secrets

Secrets

A Tiger Stripped Shed,

Recently I have developed a fascination for secrets. 

 Secrets, which I keep under my tongue- under my smile- under my day to day. It all started when I witnessed a black beetle fall from a large green leaf. The beetle landed in the soft dirt on his back. This ordinary black beetle 

turned out to be not so ordinary. On his back the beetle was helpless- he could not do anything but wiggle his multiple legs in a soft

mechanical wave. I immediately thought:  'how do these beetles ordinarily get right side up again? Do ordinary black beetles go their whole life in fear of falling onto their backs? Do their beetle friends come and save them? Do they wait for a strong gust of wind to blow them over? Or is this the Darwin plan? Do ordinary black beetles that fall over on their backs become a snack for all the yellow-bellied birds around these parts? Is this beetle a weak beetle?'

I took a closer look at my friend. What I saw was that his underside- or as what I like to refer to as his belly, was a magnificent mirage of metallic rainbow shine! Yes, his little well oiled mechanical legs danced in and out of purple yellows reds and blues. Shinny refractions of light bouncing.

The humor in it all- the beetles beautiful metallic rainbow belly is only seen when he is helpless on his back. That beautiful underbelly which surely serve a purpose for mating or organizing social beetle hierarchy, it is the same rainbow shine which catches the eyes of his predators (the suspect fat yellow bellied birds I).

             But I am not his predator. And I know what it is like to be on your back sometimes. With none of his beetle friends in sight; I extended my pinky finger and delicately propped him back onto his well oiled mechanical legs. This is my first secret: Ordinary black beetles in the South Of France near the city of Laroque des Alberes, are not so Ordinary--in fact they have shinny metallic rainbow bellies that shine, for us, only when they are most vulnerable and out of luck. This is god's humor- not science. My beetle friend has luck. My secret is safe with me. I have told no one.

Secret # 2: At our farm- we eat dinner on the patio three times a day, a traditional family. Outside green paint on the wood of the shed is peeling off. I studied it. I tore some chipping paint off so I could see the wood. And to my surprise- I observed that the wood behind the paint is naturally stripped, like a tiger! The wood is Tiger Stripped! So at dinner occasionally when everyone is chatting and eating and my brain borderline apathetic, my thoughts travel to the green shed. I laugh inside- because while my host and fellow wwoofers are chatting, I know something they do not. I know that just next to the patio there is a tiger stripped wooden shed. I imagine a day when the paint is worn off- and the shed will be naked. It will be a naked Tiger Stripped Shed. How endearingly humorous and beautiful.  

Secret #3: Children are not defined by their anatomical length, strength and mind capacity. Rather they are defined as children because children have the ability to run past you on the beach laughing and playing while simultaneously unaware of your existence, and unaware that they are kicking clouds of sand onto you and your towel. Children are Sand Kicking Clowns. 

Secret #4: I am hypnotized. Because I see the clocks that pierce your heart- while the same ones pierce mine. I feel the same gushes, fingers, time, fogs of different cities, red velvet carpets, seconds that leak violently, fresh water,  the 'us.'  Perhaps more poignant is that I understand so much of what is not me- so clear and honest, and I wonder why I cannot understand more of me.  The fact that I know this love is more than me. This us. That so many buildings in France have made tribute to Us - Liberté, égalité, fraternité. 

My secret is that I have told my secrets to the one person whom it does not feel as if I am revealing anything to but my own original thoughts. You are the receptacle to my secrets; you are my true love - one secret I need not keep.